hey dad, do this, not that
Water cooler conversation:
What was your biggest win this week? What was your biggest challenge?
What’s the best/worst dad joke you’ve ever heard?
Unpack the Message:
Both Colossians 3:21 and Ephesians 6:4 are part of what is sometimes referred to as "house codes" in Scripture. They outline the roles and responsibilities of members of the family.
Colossians 3:21 says, "Fathers, do not aggravate your children, or they will become discouraged." Paul is cautioning parents to be mindful they don't frustrate their children through nagging, constant criticism, or impossibly high expectations, to the point their spirit is broken, and they stop trying. Children discipline administered in love and with eyes on their future. Parents who avoid disciplining their children or indulge their negative behavior create problems as well. Children need boundaries and structure to feel secure and valued, so they are empowered to live a life without uncertainty and inconsistency.
Failure and success will build relationship or resentment. When we set the bar so high our children can never reach our expectations, we set them up for failure and pave the way for a relationship built on resentment. Moreover, this parenting model guarantees that their failures will eclipse their successes leading to further animosity.
On the other hand, when our children succeed, we have an opportunity to build a relationship with our kids through encouragement and reinforcement. It's unhealthy to teach your children that they can do anything and that they can never fail.
Ephesians 6:4 instructs, "Fathers,[a] do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord." "Bring them up" more accurately translates to nourish, meaning parents are to give their children more than what they need just to survive but to thrive.
Parents need to raise their children in a loving, Christ-honoring manner. Likewise, they should nourish them in training by putting them in situations where they are learning what is right. Good fathers will nurture their children in training by allowing them to be in situations where they are stretched outside their comfort zone. We must teach them how to live disciplined lives and experience what it is to live disciplined lives as followers of Christ. Walk beside them, encouraging them when they fail and celebrating every victory.
Not only should we nourish them in training (learning what is right) but also leading them in instruction (teaching what is right). As parents, we should constantly be searching for teachable moments so that as our children experience the highs and lows of life, we can demonstrate patience, building that relationship rather than resentment. Discipline should never be rooted in anger or frustration. Instead, it should come from a place of accountability and encouragement. Our children should do what's right not out of fear of being punished by us but because it's the right thing to do.
The most crucial part of Paul's instruction to nourish them in training (learning what is right), leading them in instruction (teaching what is right) is that it must all be done of the Lord.
As ever, Jesus is our example. Like a good Father, He models and teaches us what is right. So if we are confused about what we should teach our children, we need to look no further than His teaching. Sometimes when He spoke, He was bold and pulled no punches, but He always taught with love and protection.
When we nourish them in training (learning what is right), leading them in instruction (teaching what is right), of the Lord because obedience to Jesus teaches obedience. You will never be the father you want to be nor the father God wants you to be unless you surrender to a life of obedience to Jesus. When we model a life of submission and obedience, we give our children the model they need to follow and set them up for success. Obedience to Christ makes you a better father because it makes your children better followers. Christ wants a relationship with us with obedience-based in love, so should we pursue a relationship with our kids who obey not out of fear but out of love and a desire to follow Christ.
Some have difficulty believing that God as a Father loves them because their own father let them down. If they were cruel, indifferent, or even absent, we might feel that God is unconcerned with our struggles or cold and distant as well. The truth is, God longs to be a father to the fatherless. He promises unconditional love, discipline - not punishment - and the hope of a home with Him for eternity. Even if you feel you've failed as a father, through Jesus, there is a path to reconciliation and redemption.
Did your parents set high standards for you? Did you struggle to meet their expectations?
Contrast the statements "there's winning and there's losing" with "there's winning and there's learning." How do we impart that value to our children?
If comfortable, share a time when you failed in parenting your child. How did you repair the damage or heal the wound?
Think back on your childhood. Did your parents build relationship or resentment between you?
Consider God as our heavenly Father. How does He demonstrate relationship over resentment with His children?
What are practical ways we can encourage our children when they fail?
Make a Move:
Take a hard look at your parenting style and consider whether you’re building relationship or resentment with your children. Ask God to show you areas you need to improve and look for practical ways you can point your children to Jesus.
Prayer Prompt:
God, as in all areas of life, You are our ultimate example of a good father. Give me wisdom. Help me to see my children as You created them to be instead of who I want them to be. Help me to remember they are Your image-bearers with a plan and purpose for their life that’s been in place since before they were born. May I guide them as You guide me, with love and correction so they grow up to glorify You and impact others in a way that draws them to You. Help me to build relationship, not resentment, and may they see Your love reflected in me.
Worship Set:
Freedom
The Gathering