Husband, be strong man
Water cooler conversation:
What was your biggest win this week? What was your biggest challenge?
What’s the best lesson you learned from your father or a father figure in your life?
Unpack the Message:
Exegesis and eisegesis are two conflicting approaches to studying Scripture. Exegesis ("to lead out of") is the exposition or explanation of a text based on methodical, objective analysis. On the other side is eisegesis ("to lead into,"), which is the interpretation of a passage based on a subjective, non-analytical reading. The reader interprets or injects his ideas into the text, making it mean whatever he wants.
It is imperative that as we study Scripture, we allow the Holy Spirit to guide our interpretation and not prooftext our opinions. This is particularly important when examining sometimes controversial passages of Scripture such as the role of husbands and wives or sexuality.
1 Peter 3:1-6 instructs wives to submit to their husbands within the marriage relationship. He continues with instruction for husbands beginning with verse seven, telling them how they too can submit to their wives and how they can lead their family in such a way that is appealing to the outside world. This follows naturally based on what God commands to all believers: that we should submit freely to every human authority for His sake. The heart of the verse contains something radical for Peter's day - men should honor and respect their wives as equal, co-heirs of God's grace through faith in Christ.
Know your wife
Peter instructs Christian husbands to understand their wives and show them love, consideration, and respect. She is his helpmeet that complements both his strengths and weaknesses. To understand her speaks of being sensitive to her deepest physical and emotional needs. Husbands must be intentional in encouraging, supporting, and cherishing their wives. (Ephesians 5:25-28).
Act on that knowledge
Husbands who fail to act on the knowledge they have of their wife's needs are destined for unhappiness and, quite possibly, divorce. It demonstrates to your wife that they are unimportant and that your wants and needs trump hers.
By honoring your wife in what you speak and do.
A godly husband honors his wife. He doesn't berate or disrespect her. He builds her up through the way he speaks and demonstrates how much he values her through his actions. Because he knows her, he understands what makes her feel supported, encouraged, and loved and does those things.
Because she is weaker AND equal
Weakness does not imply inferiority, and nowhere in the Bible the concept of wives as inferior to husbands ever stated. God created men and women as equal in His sight. Peter is referring to women as the physically weaker sex whose physically stronger spouse should show consideration. However, in our culture, where many women demand full equality with men, Peter's premise is offensive and triggering. Sadly, this demonstrates that our ungodly society has refused to honor God's design and intent as our Creator. A husband is to treat his wife as someone weaker because she is a woman and to show her honor as a fellow heir "so that your prayers will not be hindered.
How you treat her impacts how God treats you.
James 4:17 warns us, "If we know to do good and we don't do it, it is sin." If a husband chooses to treat his wife with disrespect or contempt, or even indifference, God sees those actions as sinful and contrary to His design.
God tells husbands to love their wives as God loves the church (Ephesians 5:25-27).
Men who lord their authority over their wives are misinterpreting what God says about being a leader in your home. Husbands are to know their wives and act on that knowledge by giving them honor through their speech and actions.
God was intentional in His design for men and women, beginning with the creation of two distinct genders, equal in His sight. In Genesis 1:27-31, we read, "So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them...God saw all that he had made, and it was very good." Later, in Genesis 2:15-17, God speaks to Adam and says, "You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die."
This seems counter-intuitive. Why would God want to hide the knowledge of what is good and what is evil from us? Wouldn't it be better if we could discern between the two? God withholds this because He alone is the arbiter of what is good and what is evil. It is not for us to know - it is His divine right as our Creator.
We, as God's creation, have fallen into a trap. We think we can know for ourselves what is "good." That lie has permeated our culture on every level, including how we define gender and sexuality. "God he created them; male and female he created them...God saw all that he had made, and it was very good." God saw, and God said. That's the end of the conversation. It's not our place as His creation to tell the Creator what is good. It's not a matter of interpretation or debate.
Reflect:
If the instruction for wives to submit to their husbands triggers a negative response within you, stop and listen to Pastor Christian's message to wives, "The First Wife," from earlier in this series.
Why do you think so many divorces are initiated by women?
Michael Rosenfeld, associate professor of sociology at Stanford University, believes a primary reason couples divorce relates to outdated ideas about gender roles within marriage. He says, "I think that marriage as an institution has been a little bit slow to catch up with expectations for gender equality. Wives still take their husbands' surnames and are sometimes pressured to do so. Husbands still expect their wives to do the bulk of the housework and the bulk of the childcare." Discuss.
How does the concept of "my truth" contradict Scripture?
Wives, when do you feel it might be difficult to submit to your husbands? What if you are smarter than husband in a specific field (e.g. finances)? What if your husband doesn’t want to lead or is afraid to lead?
What are some specific ways a husband can treat his wife with respect? How can you let her know that you respect her?
In what aspects do you need to increase your understanding for your partner? How will you do this?
What are five practical ways in which husbands can demonstrate both their willingness & abilities as a “learner” to their wives?
Make a Move:
Husbands, list specific ways you can show respect to your wives this week.
Wives, list out an area you want your husband to understand you better.
Single men, consider your future marriage relationship. Be intentional about seeking a mentor who can model God’s plan for husbands.
Single women, consider your reaction to the concept of submission. Dive into Scripture so you can correct any misogynistic misconceptions about what it truly means to be a submissive wife.
Prayer Prompt:
Father, I lay my family at Your feet, knowing the only way I can lead is by following You. May every decision I make, every word I speak, and every step I take be rooted in Your will and Your way. May I love my wife as You love the church and may I seek to understand her more every day. Help me to show her how much I love her by acting on that knowledge. Thank you for the gift of my wife. Amen
Father, my husband is essential to our family’s success, balance, and love. As he leads our family, may his decisions be based on Your word. Help me to love, encourage, and support Him so we can build a strong family rooted in You. Help me to be a helpmeet to him and help us to feel unity and equality in our marriage, offering the love and respect to one another according to your plan. Amen