Today: “Building a Legacy” - Pastor Roy & Tracey Dowdy
“Better is a dry morsel, and quietness therewith, than an house full of sacrifices with strife.”
In our talk last Sunday, we talked about the principles of building a legacy. These principles are the tools to build our homes on a foundation of faith. It’s not always easy and often conflict will arise. We cannot control others actions or reactions but we can control ourselves. The following principles can help you manage that conflict and bring resolution.
Let me ask you, how do you manage conflict? Are you an avoider? Do you use passive-aggressive tones or manipulation? Are you aggressive and tackle conflict with the need to “win”? Take a moment to think about this and determine how you handle it.
Now that you have identified this, use the principles below the next time you find yourself in a contentious situation. Think about your last family conflict and replay it in your mind taking this approach.
Personal Responsibility – The TEA Method:
Thoughts – Simply ask yourself, what in my thinking was causing the conflict or making resolution impossible? Do I imagine change could never happen? Do I think “I am right and you are wrong”? Are you stuck in neutral and unable to hear what another person is saying?
Emotions – Can you take responsibility for your emotions? Anger is an emotion that rises out of hurt, fear or a sense of injustice. Can you identify one of these things and be honest with the person of conflict? When you identify the cause of your anger, you enable yourself and the person with whom you are experiencing that conflict to fix it simply because you are working out the problem versus calming down the emotion.
Actions – Stating the action that you are willing to take responsibility for will allow the other to take responsibility for their actions which then enables real solutions and reconciliation to happen.
The 3 P’s of conflict:
Remember that it is the problem, not the person and only one problem to solve at a time.
The Problem – When you identify the problem, you become allies against the problem rather than pointing the finger at each other.
The Person – The problem should never become the person because if the problem is the person, then the solution is to get rid of them. Cutting someone out of your life should be a last resort, not your first response. The obvious exception to this rule is that if the individual puts you at risk of harm or is involved in illegal activity, the relationship needs to end.
One Problem – Too many times a conflict can never be resolved because it becomes a mountain of problems and past hurts. If you can agree to focus on one problem, you can tackle all problems one conflict at a time.
Tracey and I pray that you can take these principles and you use in your marriage, with your children or even with coworkers to succeed in life and skillfully live out your faith legacy principles.